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Why is it that most couples end up in therapy or counseling of some variety when their marriage gets so confusing and painful that they can’t bear it themselves? There is an assumption that a third party will somehow be able to save a marriage by doing some of the work. So, how does this really work for them?

Before you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it is not the definite cure to all of your problems. You cannot hire someone else to do the dirty work and make things all better, no matter how skilled they may be.

Yet, counseling or therapy can really work if both of you go into it with the right mindset. The problem is that most go into it with the attitude that this third party will see that they are right and their spouse is wrong. They want validation, not objectivity.

This is not what a therapist is there to do. They are not going to take sides, mainly because there is no one person who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some things they are doing wrong and some things they are doing completely right.

The issues that must eventually be brought to light during therapy are the ones that lie beneath all the petty squabbling. A husband may argue to death that his wife never cleans the house but the real issue is likely that he feels she does not love and value him enough to keep the house clean for when he comes home from work. That is the issue the therapist cares about.

Under every petty argument is a deeper issue.

Couples who go into therapy knowing that finger pointing is useless and they both have their own flaws have a higher chance of success. Both people have to be willing to put their own defensiveness aside and just listen to one another.

Let’s consider an example. A man goes into a session and hears his wife saying how lonely she is. He feels this is an attack on him for not being home and he starts saying how he is the one always working and she just sits at home. She is now defensive as well. Yet, what would have happened if he just heard that she was lonely and did not make it about his work pattern? What if he just simply listened?

That is extremely hard to do, but if you can both force it at first then things will get easier. You have to remind yourself that the other person’s problem doesn’t always mean something negative about you. If you can do this, then chances are high that you can save a marriage through counseling.

Learn more about how to save your marriage and prevent a divorce today! Click here and check out: Save Marriage or have a look at: How To Save A Marriage and see what you can do now!